That time of the Year again

“I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I will never part.
God has you in his arms. I have you in my heart…”
- By Unknown


Dear Ankit,


RIP. We miss you.

Love,
Family

62 Seconds at the traffic lights.....

I saw the lights go from flickering green to a staring red.  As I halted the timer showed 62 seconds. In front of me were two icons of  'Man Made Luxury' - a black BMW and a yellow Tata Nano. I smiled as I saw the man made wonders and it was at that time when the corner of my eye caught a figure jump from the divider on to the road. I saw a 7-8 year old in check half sleeve shirt and over sized trouser wearing a cobbled chappal and holding red and yellow balloons. He rushed towards the cars asking everyone if they wanted balloons. There was some thing about his eyes that caught my attention. His big and dark black eyes said more than his words could say. Hope, despair, anxiety, innocent and probably helplessness. As he passed from one prospect to another he kept on looking at the timer as if trying to monitor the per prospect time spent. The timer flickered 32 seconds when he stopped in front of BMW. As he approached the BMW driver, Mr. Richie Rich rolled up his window. A micro second frown came and went on the face of my balloon seller. He looked at the timer again, it now flickered 29 seconds. He then turned towards the 'small wonder'. On seeing him coming the nano driver rolled down the window of his car and so did his 7- 8 year old sitting in the back seat. The timer flickered 25 seconds. As the windows rolled down, the shine in his eyes grew.The child sitting in the back seat gleefully shouted "papa red, papa red" to his father. The nano driver asked for two red balloons and two yellow balloons. The child cheerfully clapped as my little balloon seller handed him two red balloons. He handed the two yellow balloons to his father. While the father struggled to find some loose money both the 7-8 year old  grinned with joy. Ironically, balloon was the reason behind those smiles but for different reasons. By the time balloon seller was handed the money, the timer had already reached a single digit figure. The balloon seller threw a glance at the timer and ran towards the divider.

As I passed him, I saw him counting the money and transferring it back safely to his trouser pocket as he kept an eye on the timer waiting for it to go red again.

As I drove ahead, all I could think was " What Man has made of Man!"
 

The curious case of a Love Letter

I was not around when the envelope was brought in the room. As I entered, I was excitedly told about it and curiously read it.Written in black with fountain pen in flawless handwriting. The vocabulary was Victorian, if I am allowed to call it. The letter describing the first meeting and feelings thereafter. It was indeed a love letter. The first love letter I had ever read though not for me.Truth was revealed a few hours later with everyone becoming Sherlock Holmes coming up with every possible theory. The letter had been delivered to the wrong recipient.

" Who writes like this?" was what I thought rather sarcastically. Writing letters and expressing feelings, love particularly, always seemed something that happened in novels and movies not real life. My myth, all thanks to my zero experience in the same field, was taken for a toss when someone experienced called it " pretty balanced".  There I was trying to have a good laugh about everything and suddenly I was told things like this happen in reality too. In less than 24 hours my myth was completely and totally shattered to microscopic pieces with people going awwww and wowwww about it and narrating their love stories.

Now the question bugged me: Why does my reality not have such dream sequences? Fairy tale endings or invisible violin singers? Well, I couldn't help but wonder if my reality was on the wrong track.

Staring at the ceiling at night trying to come up with reasons I finally came to the conclusion that fairy tales aren't probably meant for everyone.I mean, someone has to be there to laugh at all those people with red balloons on Valentines Day!

Well, as far as the love, letter and lovers are concerned. It has been made sure that the letter reaches its rightful owner. Someone's Fairy tale should come true and for the rest of us there's Taylor Swift and her "Fairytale Ending" giving us hope that someone in dark grey T-shirt will come and see you in a dress and let you know you look pretty even when you look like a mess and that day would be fairy tale.

Yes.....that day indeed would be a Fairy Tale.    

Puddle and Splash: The kid from the good old days

I must confess, i am not a big fan of getting wet in the rain. But still there are lot of things associated with rains that I love. Like watching the rain falling at night specially when it is quiet all around and you can let your thoughts wander, waking up to the sound of that early morning rain, admiring the beauty of nature after it has rained when everything looks like it has been washed and cleaned and extra green. There was one particular thing that I loved doing when I was a kid, also associated with the rains. Somehow I forgot all about it, like many other things, and got busy growing up and doing things that grown ups do. Splashing in the puddle of that rainy water and letting that kid in me go wild doing that. Yes, my definition of adventure has always been different. I didn't care about anything, not my clothes, nor friends or mummy's scolding. The fact was it made me happy, actually really types really happy. Plus it was fun and I enjoyed it.

It was a typical Monday evening returning back from work walking back to my humble abode watching the world pass by suddenly a puddle brought that kid in me back from the good old days. Though unlike the good old days I did looked around to make sure no one was there to doubt my sanity. As soon as I got my chance, i rushed towards the puddle and SPLASH. and SMILE and HAPPINESS. It still was fun and I still enjoyed it.

I know it seems childless but I was happy and it made my day. About the etiquette and the rules of the grown up world, well, I am sure they wouldn't have minded being excused for few minutes as I had an old friend to catch up with.

That moment of CLARITY

Ever had that moment of clarity. Everything being showcased in true colors. No lies, all myths busted, mind boggling confusions cleared. You see things just the way they are.Not the way you would have wanted them to be neither the way you feared them to be. At that moment assurances don't work how much you may crave for them or the people giving them. Yes, a part of you secretly hopes, begs and prays for someone to give those assurances even knowing it won't make any difference now. But here's the worst part, whether these myths are busted for good or bad, either way you the one that gets hurt. Badly. You definitely have a clarity over things but you are actually left wondering what to do about it. All that is left is you.... A little exposed, a little hurt, a little wiser and yes, of course, a little heart that just got a little harder.

While it Rained......

Standing at the window in my favorite pj's lost in the aroma of my favorite hot tea i watched the rain falling from the sky. It was comforting realization that some things just don't change irrespective where in the world you are. Be it on either side of 250 kms. The sound of the rain, the smell of the earth, the cool breeze, the warmth you feel on hugging yourself when you feel that sweet coldness on your skin, the calm feeling within you and smiling to yourself over those fond moments.Mind wandered from one thought to other though neither repenting nor wishing. 

The mind played my favorite songs and few minutes later i heard myself humming the same tunes. I smiled to myself. By now the rain had slowed down. My cup of favorite tea was empty. Humming, 

"mehak jaau mai aaj toh aise
phul bagiya me mehke hain jaise
baadalo kee mai odhu chunariya
jhum jaau mai banake baavariya
apanee chhotee me baandh lu duniya......
DIL hai chota sa choti se asha....."

I decided to call it a day.

The package deal dreams

" Tell me have you ever wanted someone so much it hurts,
Your lips keep trying to speak but you just can't find the words,
Well, I had this dream once,
I held it in my head."

---- We owned the Night by Lady Antebellum

250 kms has handed me certain dreams. I didn't ask for them.These came in as a package deal with 250 kms. 250 kms just gave them to me as if challenging me and at the same time mocking me for believing these would come true. A part of me believes these would come true but a larger part of me reminds me that I may be getting ahead of myself.

I really don't know whether 250 kms will win or I. 250 kms is definitely ahead with me trying hard enough to catch up.

Dear Frankie!

Dear Frankie,


Let me first start by thanking you. For all those advice, support and encouragement. I won't say I'd be totally lost without you but it wouldn't have been easy had you not been there. 


I'll be honest Frankie, deciding to come over these 250 kms wasn't easy. Specially for someone who has never lived alone. Most importantly never been alone! The shear thought of not having anybody to look after me day in and day out scared the hell out of me. Well Frankie, thanks for looking after me. Thanks for letting me know ups and downs are part of life and I won't sink down with them. I'll have to admit, at times when you would deliver those "everything will be fine" lectures, i really didn't believe you. I thought you were saying all those things to make me feel OKAY. Frankie, I can say that things are now somewhat OKAY though some wishes and some promises are still unfulfilled. I am keeping my fingers crossed Frankie, these too will come true knowing you are there.


Frankie, you'll be glad to know that i am kind of settled here, on this other side of 250 kms. Like you said, things aren't really that bad on this side of 250 kms. Well, i am still exploring this side of 250 kms.You know what Frankie, at times I feel like Konkana Sen Sharma of 'Wake up Sid' ....... New Girl in the City...... only that I still haven't found my Ranbir Kapoor. But thats another story.


Frankie, this side of 250 kms is Order In Chaos. I am use to Order now and love the Chaos.


Home is where the heart is. Right Frankie. Truth be told Frankie, my heart doesn't belong here..... i lost my heart to the place where I was raised a long time back. You know whats weird, I feel as if i only work here and continue to live on the other side of 250 kms. 


Anyways Frankie, Thanks for everything. 


Wait a minute, you must be wondering who this Frankie is. Before you race those horses in your mind, i present before you FRANKIE. 


In my journey across 250 kms:
Frankie is anyone who has helped me. Frankie is anyone who told me things would be fine. Frankie is anyone whose advice i can depend upon. Frankie is anyone who went out of way to keep me off trouble. Frankie is anyone who made sure I was okay. Frankie is anyone who told me the places i could go to in this side of 250 kms. Frankie is anyone.

Well, now that you know who Frankie is, here is a question for you. ARE YOU MY FRANKIE?

Keep wondering!

Thank You Frankie.

Best Regards,

Not so new girl in not so new city!

  

They Speak of Hometown!!

They Speak of hometown,
My hometown is a father who would fulfill each whim and fancy on hearing my innocent "please"

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown is a mother who has always been more of a friend knowing what i wanted even before i realize it.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown is a brother who would never spare even a tiniest opportunity to fight with me but would go and fight the entire world for me.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown is a Labrador  who waits for me and greets me with a wagging tail, making me realize that he loves me more than he loves himself.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown are those demands for Sunday special treats, fights over the remote, late night ice cream excursions and race to see who climbs the stairs first.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown are those cousins whose friendship and fights are my lifelong treasure.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown is a Nani who eyes shine brightly each time she sees me like it were the first time she had laid eyes on me.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown are those successes and accomplishments shared.

They Speak of hometown,
My hometown are those wiped tears for those wilted and withered away dreams.

They Speak of Hometown,
My hometown are all those things that i can feel but can never explain.

Pipli & Gannaur - The secret love affair of Haryana Roadways

"Once upon a time there was a Haryana Roadways, which ferried passengers from one place to another, breaking down here, delaying passengers there. Then one day set on a journey it met Pipli. Haryana Roadways was spellbound though the same could not be said about the passengers. They met again and again and again much to the irk of the passengers. The love blossomed, grew & matured and there was no looking back. Passengers questioned and cursed but Haryana Roadways didn't bend.
Then one fine day Haryana Roadways met Gannaur. Others may create history but Haryana Roadways was sure to repeat one. And yes, the history was repeated. It fell in love with Gannaur as well. The passengers couldn't help but curse. But they dared not come between the love.
Haryana Roadways had found love. Maybe true love. And as they say the love for food is the most sincere love of all. The love, it was sincere, no doubts about that. Pipli, Gannaur and Haryana Roadways grew old together and they Lived Happily ever after."


Anyone who has ever traveled by Haryana Road would know exactly what i am talking about. My 250 kms have allowed me (actually forced me all thanks to the timing of my job) to travel by Haryana Roadways many times. Pipli or Gannaur are those two stops that Haryana Roadways take for refreshment. The Dhaba's would make you wonder if you should even think about getting down from the bus. And if you are those daring types, you would find fake soft drink bottles. Plus, if you are those "Expiry date checkers" like me, you'll be amazed to see that these soft drink bottles have no manufacturing dates, let alone an expiry date!


Actually, these two Dhabas are a conversation starter between you and the stranger sitting next to you as both of you will nod together in disapproval. Statements like, " Inhe koi aur jagah nahi milti rokne ko"/ "chee, kaise jagah hai"/ " chodo, bus mein he rehte hai" are common and can be heard doing rounds in the bus. Well, one would wonder why they stop at these places. The answer is simple. Free Food for the Staff. Well, as for the commuters, who the hell actually cares.


So, next time you travel by Haryana Roadways get ready to witness this love story kyunki do, sorry teen, pyar karne waloon ke bech main koi nahi aa sakta.  


Long live Haryana Roadways and of-course Pipli and Gannaur as well!

3 Month Analysis Report

Today, I complete my 3 months in the new city. Well, i have to say, the progress has been slow but it has been positive. Professionally the graph has been showing positive results but on personal front, i'll have to admit, the graph did dip into the negative which kind of weakened the sentiments in the hometown. Presently, the sentiments on either side of 250 kms are sober.

Along with new hopes, dreams, desperation, depression, anxiety, fear, excitement, enthusiasm coupled with some giggles and few tears, some of the things that i have discovered about myself are:

 - The traffic no longer holds any ability to scare me. I think the mind has developed a strong immune system against it.

 - The ability to cross the road in peak traffic has been reached to a satisfactory level.

 - The Garfield in me is on the rise (i.e. Low resistance towards Monday mornings). Also Monday is characterized by low brain processing.

 - The awkward feeling of eating alone has somewhat been shed, though not entirely or permanently. It now at times is accompanied by a grand feeling of loneliness.

Well, as of now the ship is sailing smoothing. I know that there will be rough waters and weather but i think i am ready. Ready for new experiences. Ready for new mistakes. More importantly ready to enjoy my Solo flight.